The Big Book of Hugs: How to Talk to Kids About Kindness
By Hay House | Published: 2026-11-02
Category: How-to Guides
Use The Big Book of Hugs to start conversations about kindness, empathy, and helping others. A step-by-step read-aloud guide with practical activities for kids.
Quick answer
Read The Big Book of Hugs aloud with your child, pause to discuss Barkley the Bear's worries and choices, and follow up with a simple kindness activity. This three-step approach turns story time into a practical lesson on empathy and helping others.
Why stories work better than lectures
Children often tune out direct instructions about being kind, but they lean into stories. When you read about Barkley the Bear taking over his family's caregiving business, your child sees kindness in action rather than hearing a rule. The story gives you shared language—'What would Barkley do?'—that you can use later when real situations come up.
The Big Book of Hugs is written by Nick Ortner, a New York Times best-selling author, and Alison Taylor. That pedigree matters less than the story's structure: Barkley worries he can't help everyone, then discovers that small acts of care are both easier and more rewarding than he expected. That arc is a natural conversation starter for talking to children about empathy.
When to use this guide
This approach works best with children ages 4–8, but you can adapt it for older or younger kids by adjusting the discussion questions. Use it when your child is facing a new social situation—starting school, joining a team, or navigating friendship conflicts—or simply as a regular read-aloud that reinforces values and virtues books for children.
If your child is already highly empathetic, you can skip the basic questions and focus on the 'what if' scenarios in step 3. If your child struggles with sharing or taking turns, spend more time on step 2 and repeat the book over several days.
A 3-step read-aloud routine for teaching kindness
- Before reading: set a purpose: Tell your child you're going to read a story about a bear who has a big job helping others. Ask, 'What do you think makes someone a good helper?' Listen without correcting. This primes them to notice kindness in the story. Checkpoint: if your child gives a one-word answer, offer a gentle example from their own life, like 'Remember when you helped Grandma carry her bag?'
- During reading: pause at key moments: Stop when Barkley worries about his job. Ask, 'Why is Barkley worried? What would you say to him?' Then continue. After he discovers how easy it is to help, ask, 'What did Barkley learn about helping others?' Keep the pauses short—two or three per reading is enough. Common mistake: turning the pause into a quiz. The goal is conversation, not correct answers.
- After reading: try a kindness activity: Choose one small act of kindness to do together within the next day—draw a picture for a neighbor, help set the table, or call a grandparent. Then ask, 'How did that feel?' Connect it back to Barkley: 'Barkley found out helping others makes you feel good too.' Checkpoint: if your child resists, start with something they enjoy, like making a card for a friend.
About the book
- The Big Book of Hugs: Barkley the Bear takes over his family's business of caring for everyone in the forest and worries he won't be able to provide the necessary care. This premise gives you a ready-made discussion point about responsibility and the fear of not doing enough—common worries for young children.
The Big Book of Hugs
